The inevitability of conflict has been highlighted again and again. An inevitable part of our lives needs solutions similar to what we have to counter friction, and thus transforming a disadvantage into an advantage. Before we all jump into becoming expert conflict resolvers we need to understand the genesis behind its inevitability. Conflict is a core competency product of human beings, we are, will and always be in conflict from the time we are born. A universal factor has to be supported by universal ground rules. A few universal facts which should never be forgotten:

• We were hunter/gatherers

We have evolved into these suave, educated and erudite creatures, however we should never forget our roots, that of a hunter gatherer. Our basic instincts are that of continuously sniffing danger and threat around us. Understandably the wild creatures are no longer around us, so we land up gauging the fellow human beings around us. Do not underestimate the power of your roots, look around, there is plenty of proof!

• The Narcissist within us

Every human being is a narcissist to a certain extent. We all love listening to our own voices. It is naturally difficult for us to put the perspectives and priorities of others in front of us, leave alone before our own. So, for one who expects the mirror on the wall to reply on its whims, will it be able to put the other person and his requirements, before its own?

Well a BIG NO!

We are intelligent, opinionated and layered 

We are intelligent, opinionated and layered due to various factors. You are undoubtedly intelligent, this is why you are where you are. Opinionated is a byproduct of the first 2 points, peppered with deep awareness of our own thought patterns. Layered with our own individual background, our past, our beliefs, our experiences, our habits and our complex personality type. The final prototype that we all are, may seem complex, however as stated before, have the same core ingredients!

This is how complicated, yet simple every human being is. The more educated or aware one is, may make that person camouflage these basic  traits, however there is no one who can be independent of them.

Once we have understood and accepted the inevitability of conflict, we need to understand, if it is inevitable, how to #gain, #succeed and #achieve #growth through #conflict.

If the universe has made conflict an inevitable part of #corporatecommunication, then several have gained and grown by #conflictresolution and #conflictmanagement is also an equally significant truth. The TINA factor having set in, let us find steps to find magic/cure in the malady itself.

• Listen: 

The Narcissist within us does not like listening to the voices of others, it is overbrimming with #ideas, #opinions and perspectives which it wants to share. No wonder, it is always told ‘inculcate listening skills’ as we are not original in it. 

Benefit: You have more information at your disposal, than when you started. Having all the perspectives and opinions under your belt, ammunitions at an optimum, be ready to launch yourself! The biggest rule of WAR is be prepared first!

• Talk:

Seems contradictory? First #listen and then #talk?

It has been observed that we often talk about a person, rather than to a person, which is the root cause for Chinese whisper to set in. Often when we avoid and ignore difficult conversations with a person, we engage in a conversation with a third person, which becomes gossip or frivolous conversation, not sincere communication. Be direct, precise and clear in your to the person conversations, this simple yet doable task irons off a lot of creases on the surface, which may on passage of time become undersurface rumblings waiting to explode.

Benefit: The ‘pinch’ which was set to explode, settles and amicable #conversation resumes, settling the dust and setting the ground for amicable conversations to continue. Or should I say "Prevention is better than Cure?"

• Separate Problems & People:

Due to our basic instinct of sniffing danger around, we confuse the #problem or the conflict with the person or #ego involved. The conflict is always due to a difference of opinion and perspective which has little or no connection with the person or their position. This creates layers of conflict which gets more and more complex. If we do not separate layers from the beginning it has the capability to raise itself to the level of the next world war.

 Never say: “you said the problem….” instead say, “ the problem is….”. 

Never say “ I do not agree with you….” instead say, “that’s a valid point, however…..”

Avoid: You, I, replace with we, us

Avoid: But, also, replace with and, a pause.

Benefits: Addressing the problem and the solution and not the person, seals your #relationship and #rapport, and makes you seem less formidable to the person across the table. 

The biggest secret:

Every Human being is a social animal, it has a basic need and desire to  #communicate,  #talk,  #connect and create  #rapport. The character trait of a social creature is often in direct conflict with the hunter/gatherer and the narcissist. It is upon you and only you, on who will win in this internal conflict which has been going on for generations and will continue till the existence of the Human race.